January 2013 Newsletter - Taking Frustration Out of Your Communication

Letter from the Editor

My New Year is off to a fantastic start! And, it has nothing to do with the change of the calendar, but rather a chosen change in my mindset. It was about this time last year that I shared with you the fact that I had encountered a fairly significant medical issue. One that had me stopped for a bit, and frankly, left me dealing with its aftermath for the better part of 2012. Well, as I’ve said many times, there are some circumstances we don’t control, but we DO control our reaction to them.  So, on January 2nd, the first day my team and I were back together after the holidays, I proclaimed that, “I’m BACK!”Now, I haven’t really gone anywhere except to take care of myself, and rest assured, I’m going to keep doing that. But, what I’m adding is a commitment to an enhanced way of BEING; a public renewal of my purpose to: “Make a difference with anyone I’m standing next to, anywhere I’m standing on the planet, including myself!”The funny thing is I got to this place of renewed purpose reading my own book… Seriously! Rereading an edited draft, it struck me. Not only do I want the world to have what this book teaches, but I need too! And, it punctuated what I’ve taught my clients for many, many years:

“If you want to retain what you’ve learned,you have to be willing to give it away.”

If you haven’t already, please check out my new book, Moving You Forward: One Step at a Time. This book truly is the best tool I can give you to help address what has you stopped, worried, or stressed and quickly get to the heart of what YOU need to take on, in order to get unstuck!Early reviews have been overwhelmingly positive, and included in this newsletter are reviews from a few people who are already using this book as a tool to keep them moving forward in this New Year.My Best to you in the New Year!!

Clay S. Nelson

Replacing You

This is the kind of thought that races through many minds when I talk about the need to replace one's self:

“Replace me? Impossible!”

Yet, those same minds are stressed out, tired, and frankly, cranky. So, what has to give?  You do!GIVE up believing that you have to do it all and ask for help. GIVE away (teach) what you know and allow others to contribute to you. GIVE your team the freedom to be leaders themselves (stop controlling everything) and you create the room for you to be the leader you need to be, grow your business, have precious time with your family, and simply have a life!Think about it:

• If you do it all, you have to know everything there is to know about what you are doing and where you are going, and you wonder why you’re cranky!
• If you do it all, where do you get to rest?
• If you do it all, how can you take on whatever is necessary to move on to what’s next for you both personally and professionally?

Often we get so caught up in doing what we think we HAVE to do that we forget what we as  leaders are supposed to be! We work until we’re numb; we keep our thumbs on the pulse of everything; we forge ahead with our noses to the grindstone in order to keep every bit of our lives in check, but we miss seeing the big picture. We miss the true joy of living when we insist on doing it all.

Teaching What You Know

Teaching is an ongoing process. Yes, it takes time. Yes, it takes commitment. Yes, it takes an unstoppable mind-set in order to keep the old feeling of, “I can get this done faster if I do it myself just this one time” out of the way. To grow others around you, and your eventual replacement(s), you have to:

1. Have a plan! Without a written plan you don’t know where you are going and you have nothing to teach your team from. Think about it: If you don’t have a clear plan for what you need help with or who is responsible for what, how can your team be clear about where they are going and what they are responsible for accomplishing and by when they are to accomplish it?
2. Stay out of the way! You have to give up being a control monster, and allow your team to put your vision/plan in action. Your team members learn the most when you allow them to stand on their own two feet and learn. As leaders, “letting go” may be a challenging thing to do, but it is absolutely necessary! Teach your team, provide them with all of the tools they need to be successful, remain accessible and open for questions, be the question instead of the answer, and teach forgiveness by being forgiving.
3. Be the visionary you are paid to be, and allow your team to contribute to the team and to you. You’ve got to trust the training and instincts that you are building in your team.
4. Listen to what your team members have to say and be open to learning and doing things a new (and possibly even better) way. Once you give your growing leaders a voice, you need to treat it with respect.
5. Be your word. This one speaks for itself. If you want to build a team with integrity, you’ve got to be integrity. It is that simple!
6. Do not make your team members wrong if they make a mistake. Ask them, “What is a better way to do it next time?”

Replacing yourself opens the door to what’s next for you, which is about increasing your leadership skills, taking off your doing-cap, and providing everyone in all facets of your life with clear vision, direction, and accountability! Standing there, absolutely anything is possible if you want and plan for it enough! So while replacing you can be a scary thing, just imagine:

• Having a team (both personally and professionally) empowered to accomplish your vision.
• Your team thinking not just in terms of checking off tasks from a list, but in terms of asking, “How can we do this better and more efficiently? How can I contribute to our success?"
• Your business working without you having to be there.
• Having time for yourself and your family. (Oh, gosh! Then what would you do with that time?)
• Being the visionary, the creator of new ideas and goals, rather than doing all of the work.

Now, just imagine what you, your company, your team, and even your family can accomplish with that kind of power, clarity, and team work behind it!

Taking Frustration out of Your Communication

The lack of communication within families and work teams, with schoolmates, friends, co-workers, and significant others can cause a great deal of frustration. Frustration then makes communication even more difficult, and what everyone is left with is a giant vicious circle of frustration, upset, poor communication (or no communication at all), and general chaos.It happens to everyone at some point. So, what should you do when you find you and your team or your relationships in such a state?

1. You’ve got to clear your mind and heart of anger or hurt, and give up the frustration you are feeling. Go for a jog, write in your journal, meditate, or call your clearing partner, if you have one. Do whatever you need to do in order to move forward.
2. Get straight with yourself what is and is not true about the situation. Our minds are giant “make it up” machines, and when it is clouded with frustration, separating what is real vs. what we perceive can be difficult.
3. Get committed to resolving the situation. Without your commitment to ending the frustration, and clarity with regard to the need for full and complete communication, the confusion and frustration will continue.
4. Communicate fully and completely with the person/people you are having trouble communicating with. Ask permission to speak straight where necessary. Give voice to how you are feeling and allow them to give voice to theirs.
5. Create a plan for addressing the issues before you. A plan… what a concept! This plan can be as simple as a written agreement that puts what each person involved is committed to. Or, it can be as complex as a written plan that maps out the steps necessary with by-whens to complete a lagging project; which, by the way, really should have had a written plan in the first place!

With the frustration behind you and a commitment to full and complete communication, you and those you had been struggling to communicate with can move forward, plan in hand, and be outrageously successful. The key here is commitment. Luckily, it is a key that costs nothing and is available to all. You just have to reach out, grab hold of it, and encourage your team to do the same.